In the Wilderness

Knowing I am safe in His hands, there are days that the flesh wins. Tonight I am weary to the point of oblivion. I feel as tho there is no more me. Every layer gone, the core is left and in the process of the peeling, the purpose is lost. What's left is a mystery. There seems to be no life, no salvagable parts. I will journey to the well again, and soon, but for tonight I have no energy to take the first step. Still, I know even that He will do for me. I will remain in this desert, contemplating, reflecting...but to what end? Feeling misunderstood times a hundred, filled with personal failures, dreams and ideals lost in time, hope lies spilled out before me, soaking into the dried ground. I'll spread my blanket under the stars and look up into the face of God and weep. Weep for all that was lost, for every sparkling dream that dried up and fell to earth to shatter, for the imperfections that have permeated the present. For the inability to live in these present times without swallowing so much pride that I silently choke while smiling. To be strangled by invisible hands and lie down in a disguised coffin. Tomorrow, I am confident that I will wake in His presence, and all these words, these ideas will feel as foreign to me as tho someone else penned them. I trust in His ability to transform, renew and fill with promise. For now, i'm tired.